Femme/Feminine Essentials – An Abbreviated Lissssssst

Femme/Feminine Essentials:  what exactly are they?  And why do they matter?

I first heard of  ”feminine essentials” from a work colleague some years ago.  This terminology was a world away from ”women’s things,” the shy termininology I muttered at the blushing age of fifteen on a rural towns high school orchestra tour, to the elderly male bus driver who demanded to know my reason for wanting to get back onto the locked bus when everyone else was inside the hall tuning up.  Despite having a friend with me, I couldn’t bear to state the bleedin’ obvious.

Now I see that the term ‘feminine essentials’ has a broader application.

As a member of the Femerati, with a doubtless biased opine-yon, I have decided to set sail (without help from real sailors) upon a M.O.G.I. (no, not a cat, rather a Mission of Great Importance) which explores the feminine-gendered kind.  Obviously it’s of some small concern that the ‘femme’ reference may go down a G.G.R. (Grossly Girly Route), so I’ve boiled it down:

To Discover: What Are the Top 100 Feminine Essentials?  And why.

Rules, Disclaimers, and Other Procrastivatory[sic] Bollux: the following is not an experiment in E.S. (Exact Science).  Probably because I don’t possess a white coat.  True, it has an objective (reverting to high school biology here, rather than the more dramatic GOAL which has been seconded by motivational types), and something of Methodology,  and it is possible that a conclusion or set of conclusions may be drawn from Evemadence[sic]… ooh, just notice a girly inscrimination[sic] there.

I invite you to think outside social stereotypes.  So please avoid the following, unless you can offer a particularly feminist reading upon your selection:

  1. Shopping
  2. Cosmetic surgery (for purely vain concerns of perfectly fine-looking persons)
  3. Other socio-gendered crap

This experiment is not for the fainthearted, the lazy, or the J.I.I.T.R.T.R.G.B. (Just in It To Read The Good Bits).  Au contraire, I offer you, the reader, the marvellous opportunity to contribute your own wild and fabulous examples of evidence which I will publish after a very long time into the future.

And when the list of Feminine Essentials Reaches 100.

Thus, to begin with, a suggestion of my own, which one hopes you shall find charming and entrancing.

FEMMESENTIALS  – An Abbreviated Lisssssst

1. Firm Foundation Garments: what a Berlei-ooody load of gender-political bollocks.  Did Boadicea wear a brassiere?  Whilst cooking upon a brazier?  In brazen times of old…

The greatest women in history were very often triumphant with the firm foundations of strength of character, bbbbraaaaains, and spunk.  That’s Australian for good looking, and for guts.  Boadicea had better things to do than hitch her herself into an iron cage before hoisting herself upon her trusty steed.  Did Boadicea’s horse wear a bra?  No. And I’m sure that Napoleon’s didn’t bother either.

What say you are feminine essentials?  And why?



Vaginas across Australia celebrate the recent decision by Coles to absorb the flow of GST on feminine essentials.

No,  I’m not talking essentials such as mind-reading lovers, standard clothing and shoe sizing across all brands, and the old favourite, gender equality.  Although any of those three would be nice.  Speaking of keeping it noice on the beaver front, it’s good to know that a major supermarket retailer has responded to centuries of discrimination against menstruating women, by absorbing the tax cost on a whole range of beaver blockers, surf pads, Weetbix, et al, out of the goodness of their corporate heart.

Or have they?

What does a retailer really care about the old “faneroso?” (apologies to comedian Kitty Flanagan for snitching her word), aside from the fact that it is a sure market?  According to Joe Blundell, director of marketing for Coles, it was time to re-examine the impact of GST upon female consumers.  He said:

“We’ve acted on our customers’ concerns and so we’ve made an ongoing commitment to reduce the price of all feminine hygiene products sold in our stores by about 10 per cent, effectively removing the cost burden of the GST from our customers.”(The Herald Sun,  3rd July 2009).  For the full story see below.


So this happened a month ago and despite being the proud bearer of a vagina I didn’t notice – I was overseas for several weeks lately, but that can wait for another post.  I have a teensy bit of a cold, there was an eclipse this week, and I have to get up early in the morning… well later, because right now, at 1.31am, THAT is early!  But late for sleeping if you catch my drift. 

I was down at the local Coles the other day, buying the weekly stores after my sojourn overseas (where, in England regular-sized tampons are about half the regular size here in Oz, and which got me thinking – do English women string it out over a longer period of days than Aussie women or just have tighter twats?), when I noticed that my preferred brand of feminine essentials was suddenly about 40 cents cheaper per box ’cause Coles had decided to absorb the GST.  I smiled.  Goodo.

Well, whether or not Coles has absorbed the flow of GST, or is simply applying a discount to appeal to female consumers, I think one has to look beyond cynicism to the positives in this.  A bit of a saving for a start.  But more importantly, it raises the question: why should women be taxed for having the audacity to do what Nature has designed us to do?  What next – taxing women for giving birth?

It’s a pity that only people who buy feminine essentials (for themselves or their B.W.s (Beloved Women) will see the signs.